| (no subject) |
[Jul. 3rd, 2006|01:19 pm] |
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Yeah i havent updated in a while. im not in school anymore. graduated. i pretty much just started life. it's going ok. lets ask everyone who reads this (if anyone) a question....why do you continue to live? I continue to live so i can become a good person. some of the things i've said before are foolsih. before i thought there was no good or evil, but im wrong. why do i have a conience?<== bad spelling. im a good person who does bad things. the line that seperates good and bad people is if we feel anything about it.when someone lies do they wish they could tell the truth? when someone steals something do they normaly wish they didnt have to? when someone kills do they wish they didnt take that life? i can say i do feel something. so i cant be evil. but i struggle as any human does...i admit that evil is very temping, but i resist for some reason. i dont do evil things... i feel bad for people and i dont like to make poeple sad. but i do have a darkside. in a way it's like a voice in my head thats always there. my darkside tries to concince me to do evil things. it's fuck'n hard not to be evil. evil is always the easiest way out. sadly there is no good voice in my head. i have only myself to convince. i feel like i myself am my goodside and my darkside is always trying to turn the tide. im a bit crazy |
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| (no subject) |
[May. 20th, 2006|03:03 pm] |
people dont seem to understand that suffering and death is a part of our lives. We try to escape, cry, or repress the things that hurt us the most. accepting our pain is better than pushing it away. crying maybe a way of accepting a problem but it wont solve it. worrying gives you something to do, but it doesnt help the problem. we tend to freak out at first instead of rationaly think of our solution to solve the suffering. pain is an important part of life. with out our pain and suffering we dont understand hope or happiness. it would make thing old and seemingly boring with out it. it's impossible to be happy all the time. theres always something missing. that emptiness, that longing for something you want but cant have. jealousy or envy. there cant be happiness with out suffering just like there cant be good with out evil. theres nothing to define if there is one with out another.
Death or the thought of Death to oneself or others normaly brings fear to the heart of many. the thought of losing a loved one brings tears to many eyes. we repress these thoughts and dont think "what would i do if so and so were to do" "never mind dont think about it, it'll never happen" "i couldnt go on with out so and so" such thoughts just makes the stab of reality hit the organs of our souls even harder. leaving deap wounds scars that no surgeon can sew. accepting reality and what can and eventualy will happen wont stop the pain, but it'll act as anistetic and numb the pain of loss. Humans dont live forever and they do die. we will all die, but we dont know how yet |
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| Whats up gang. |
[May. 6th, 2006|05:33 pm] |
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So yeah, im just sitting here chillaxing (chilling + relaxing) what's up people? i need to find a scanner. if someone had one that'd be great. since...ya know i draw and all. I would have updated a comic at least 2 or 3 times by now buuuuut.....yeah i didnt get one for my amazing birthday...so thats 2 times i missed out christmas and birthday. im not gonna bitch about it though. i only have so much school left...like a few weeks. i should probably go and get laid or something. maybe write a book, work out a bit... do something different with my hair, conquer a country or a small planet. you know some shit like that. hmmm i should write a journal entry while stoned or something and see how that turns out ya know? I wonder how tonight is gonna turn out. will i be shit faced? will i be sober? will I be at a club? or at home? eh....maybe I'll write about it later or some shit. yeah. |
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| man |
[Apr. 29th, 2006|10:01 pm] |
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today....i am a man(18) yeah...it feels weird. |
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| (no subject) |
[Apr. 27th, 2006|12:04 am] |
I'm a feather in the wind that blows beyond your reach, my journey ends when the wind stops blowing. As a feather i was once part of a bird, but over time the bird grew more feathers and i begand to make the bird heavy. I shed myself to ease the bird of my burden. the bird was a crow, thus i was a black feather. many mistake crows for dark or evil birds. so i am considered dark at times, i prove most right and i tend to glide toward the dark. i once met a white feather who had shed herself from a dove. though we differed in color we werent that different of feathers. we were the same basic shape, though i was heavier than the white feather the wind didnt pick her up as much and she had often touched the ground. i desided to rest opun the ground next to the white feather. I told her "next time the wind blows i will carry you under me" the only words ever spoken since i broke away from my crow. the wind blew and i carried her under me...
So i turn 18 on saturday. i forgot that you presents or surprises on birthdays. i never really got surprises. and i never got what i wanted for presents. so this year i told myself "aslong as i have friends that care who gives a shit about presents" but apartently i'm getting some sort of surprise and at least one present.....i was kind of shocked actualy. sometimes i ask myself "am i important enough to be cared about? or loved?" this makes me think so. kind of a warm feeling for someone like me.
Today i had a talk with my dad about phillip. and i used to get angry when phillip would disapoint me or do something stupid. i would try to tell him what he needed to do or what he should do. but i was being just like my dad. i realized that i cant force my beliefs on him. theres no right or wrong thing for him to do. Even if he drags me down i'll always try to carry him. it may sound like i'm in denile about him failing. but i accept that he'll fail. there are good and bad parts about him. i dont think he should get a real job. he should probably just draw and sell pictures and portraits. but he lacks motivation to draw. But i'll still be there with him until he kills me.
I've never really discused how i feel about Jarrell openly, not even to him. I dont even talk about it to myself. but i suppose i should. He's a pretty cool guy. He's pretty much the ring leader of our 3 man operation. but he doesnt make himself a leader he just flows with it. we usualy make group plans or choices, but he's still more of the leader in my eyes. i honestly dont know why he carries me along with im at times. im not a burden or anything but he could do just fine with out me and phillip. why he chose us is a mystery to me. I've never asked him or anything ethier. maybe he see potential in me or something. I'm almost as good as him but not quite. im a hot head. i'm always eager to fight people. im not afriad for myself ever. but i have a very big weakness. alone i was always a loser. i hated myself because i wasnt strong enough. no one liked me. though i got friends when i went to fuquay it's not like anyone really knew me or respected me. i'll admit when Jarrell came into the picture he brought out my trueself. everything i had wanted to be forever. He definatly is the best friend i've ever had. He is like an older brother kind of. like the twin that came out 1 or 2 seconds ahead of you. even though you are not different in age the older sibling tend to act older and sometimes protect you. he's definatly proven his skill in more ways than one. in away i can say i look up to him and respect him. i dont envy but i want to prove myself one day. I'm never sure exactly what he thinks of me and phillip or why he sticks with us. but he has definatly unlocked something that would have been buried forever if not for him. aparently people have looke up to me. more than just 3 or 4 people. im not sure why. but anyway, this is why i like to call him my "brother" not to be gay or anything but he means a lot to me. and it kind of sucks when he's nto around. im relieved when him and phillip arrive home. i like to hear how both their days were. i dont care when they make fun of me because it's pretty natural feeling. we call each other names like every 5 minutes. but they are the most important people to me. next in line is jenny, but i wont go into that. but thats all. im not sure if i got my point across but those words just came out of my brain. yeah. |
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| I AM MAN |
[Apr. 23rd, 2006|05:46 pm] |
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hmmm 6 days until i turn 18. i wonder what it's gonna be like. |
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| (no subject) |
[Apr. 17th, 2006|02:04 pm] |
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impressive. i still have a job...they didnt even talk to me about it or even write me up. guess im a hard ass worker.....which i am. |
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| (no subject) |
[Apr. 15th, 2006|05:45 pm] |
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Oh yeah! things are looking up. i dont feel like going into detail though. imma go into work today to see if i still have my job. in a way i hope i get fired. because i hate my job and the people there more than anything. |
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| Push on |
[Mar. 11th, 2006|04:16 pm] |
I continue to push myself and get stronger, I watch my to brothers slowly die in front of me. One of my brothers weakness lies inside his heart. and my other brother's weakness his himself. I feel like i can save them but the answers haven't come to me yet. I hurt inside too but I'm the least of my conserns. My own weakness if fear yet it is also lack of fear. I'm afraid to take one risk yet i leap infront of others. Thier pain is my pain because they are the two who matter most to me. For that i cant let them die because if they perish then i longer have purpose for living. I realized my purpose is to help them and to provide strength where they are weakest. Together we are strong but seperate we give in to our weaknesses. Though fate is always on outside and our luck is uncanny we do have out bad days, our tough days. But in the end we always pull through, because we are not allowed to fail. Failure will equal our downfall.
So i looked at this right here:
April
APRIL:
Active and dynamic. Decisive and haste but tends to regret. Attractive and affectionate to oneself. Strong mentality. Loves attention. Diplomatic. Consoling, friendly and solves people's problems. Brave and fearless. Adventurous. Loving and caring. Suave and generous. Usually you have many friends. Enjoys to make love. Emotional. Stubborn. Hasty. Horny. Good memory. Moving, motivates oneself and others. Loves to travel and explore. Sometimes sexy in a way that only their lover can understand.
....and i see it very accuaratly describes me sept for that make love part...that hasnt really happen just yet. Lately me and the team have been having a lot of problems. stuff just keeps hitting us even though we continue to overcome. but when will our suffering end? I'm aboot to do some make up work and shit. but i dont have a fucking spell checker so im downloading one. lately i've been stuck inside but i always go and visit my brothers after work. woot. |
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| nice |
[Jan. 30th, 2006|01:12 am] |
UnnBroken Dragon: i'd get a van for the road trip
UnnBroken Dragon: and i'd bring jarrell and phillip with me. and i'd have to pick at least 2 other girls besides you
Frayedpaper: heh
Frayedpaper: y?
Frayedpaper: too much meat and not enough buns i assume haha
UnnBroken Dragon: that. and i wouldnt want you to feel out numbered
Frayedpaper: heh i c
UnnBroken Dragon: but i like the way you said it better
Frayedpaper: lol |
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| strange |
[Jan. 23rd, 2006|11:37 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  sleepy | ] |
| [ | music |
| | something | ] |
what a strange day |
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| X-borx |
[Jan. 2nd, 2006|10:29 pm] |
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wow. my dad got an X-box. thank god he didnt get a 360. horray for regular X-boxes. i love me some current gen systems. X-box, Ps2, and gamecube. i cant wait till they fix the probs with the 360 and the ps3 comes out....and KH2 and Zelda:TP that will be the day. |
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| fuck you santa |
[Dec. 26th, 2005|01:10 am] |
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man that x-mas sucked.....gets less merry every year. |
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| (no subject) |
[Dec. 14th, 2005|09:51 pm] |
DISC 1
01 Dearly Beloved
02 Passion (Orchestral Version)
03 Passion ~Opening Version~
04 Lazy Afternoons
05 Sinister Sundown
06 The Escapade
07 Dive into the Heart -Destati-
08 Fragments of Sorrow
09 Tension Rising
10 Kairi
11 Missing You
12 The 13th Struggle
13 Roxas
14 Sora
15 The Afternoon Street
16 Working Together
17 Friends in my Heart
18 Magical Mystery
19 A Twinkle in the Sky
20 Hollow Bastion
21 Scherzo Di Notte
22 Laughter and Merriment
23 Desire for All That Lost
24 Organization XIII
25 Gearing Up
26 Shipmeisters' Rhapsody
27 Blast Off!
28 Asteroids Away!
29 Crossing the Finish Line
30 Waltz of the Damned
31 Dance of the Daring
32 Hesitation
33 Dance to the Death
34 Beauty and the Beast
35 The Home of Dragons
36 Fields of Honor
37 Apprehension
38 Vim and Vigor
39 Cloudchasers
40 Olympus Coliseum
41 The Underworld
42 What Lies Beneath
43 Villains of a Sort
44 The Encounter
45 Mickey Mouse Club March
46 A Walk in Andante
47 Monochrome Dreams
48 Old Friends, Old Rivals
49 Floating in Bliss
50 Winnie the Pooh
51 Bounce-O-Rama (Speed Up Version)
DISC 2
01 Isn't It Lovely?
02 Let's Sing and Dance!
03 Swim This Way
04 Part of Your World
05 Under The Sea
06 Ursula's Revenge
07 A New Day is Dawning
08 Nights of the Cursed
09 He's a Pirate
10 The Corrupted
11 Hazardous Highway
12 A Day in Agrabah
13 Arabian Dream
14 This is Halloween
15 Spooks of Halloween Town
16 Adventures in the Savannah
17 Savannah Pride
18 Confrontation
19 Space Paranoids
20 Byte Bashing
21 Sinister Shadows
22 The 13th Dilemma
23 Showdown at Hollow Bastion
24 One-Winged Angel
25 Battleship Bravery
26 Sacred Moon
27 Deep Drive
28 Riku
29 Courage
30 Disappeared
31 A Fight to the Death
32 Darkness of the Unknown
33 Passion ~After The Battle~
34 Fantasia alla marcia for piano, chorus and orchestra
35 Destiny Islands
36 Hand in Hand
37 Dark Horizons
38 Dearly Beloved -Reprise- |
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| guest Comic!!! |
[Dec. 11th, 2005|02:42 am] |
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Jenn the artist of a comic called Picture Diary has given me the grace of a guest comic. there are more to come! so Go to http://armz.keenspace.com hoo faa. and as soon as a get a scanner (my scanner broke) for christmas i shall COMIC LIKE CRAZY. |
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| ........... |
[Nov. 30th, 2005|02:02 am] |
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And again i fail to grasp reality. as if somethings not right. like im missing something thats right in front of me. But i cant figure it out. ug, these days are just the same dream.... |
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| Cloud is god. |
[Nov. 23rd, 2005|12:36 am] |
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I saw Final Fantasy VII:Advent Children today. nuff said. |
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| Martial arts masters |
[Nov. 18th, 2005|07:40 pm] |
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Unleashed and Ong-Bak are the best two fucking movies ever. but who would win? Danny or Teng? |
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| hmm I'm still alive boys and girls |
[Nov. 12th, 2005|08:37 pm] |
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here i am in my own little word, living day by day. it's kind of annoying not to fail a class for once because i dont have much to work for. so im just kinda sitting around, going to work from time to time. of coarse it would be awsome if i had a good job that let me work more instead of sitting the fuck around. so im going to start saving for a car so i can get the fuck around. sitting here at Jarrell's crib at the moment, him and phillip are going to be moving into an apartment soon. Jarrell's always got his shit together and even saves a LOT of money just incase some shit goes down, on the other hand my brother phillip who i believe is hopeless at times seems he never has his shit together and who the fuck knows if he saves money. infact i kinda wonder if Jarrell will be able to rely on him as a roommate. infact i wonder if he'll still be there in that apartment by the time a move in with them. he talks big but Jarrell does all the work. Phillip works all the time but what does he do with his money? spend it all on reefer? who knows. but enough about that i had to work today which went by really fast but i dont work tomorrow which kinda pissed me off. where the hell do i find a job with in reasonable range that i can get a good amount of days? i'll find out eventualy if that FUCKING black cloud goes away. but hey people have it much worse than me. i have my brothers Jarrell and Phillip right? and my best friend Jenny? and my mom and dad arent dead though i never see my mom but she's alright right? yeah yeah. uh huh my emotional and mental are kinda not with the fantastic physical. i wish i had someone to fight all the time to gain more martial arts skill. how am i suppose to know i i'd do in a fight with a random dude if i dont fight anyone. but anyway. i mean im kinda bored with life...but at least im alive i guess. w00t.... |
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| man |
[Oct. 26th, 2005|10:30 pm] |
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got my computer bak but my fucking scanner seems broken... |
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